Data is the new snake oil.
Look this over carefully folks. Come up close so you can see with your own eyes, hear with your own ears, every sight, every sound, of this demonstration.
This is the answer to all your problems.
This is the the way to answer your critics and change them into your champions,
to garner headlines and Major, I say MAJOR Race for the Top federal funding.
This is the stuff you need.
Image by bootload via Flickr
Yesiree! This Gen-U-WINE date can cure all your teaching ills.
Every single one. All of them.
You say your students are falling behind others?
Have you tried data? No? Well lookee here…
This data doesn’t just give you test scores, it doesn’t only give you short-term score trends, this data gives you…
Wait for it folks….
That’s right! Intimate details about every question asked, every answer given, laid out to two-decimal-place precision.
But wait, there’s more!
This data come as raw numbers, it comes in scatter plots, it comes as histograms, and, hold your breath, be still my beating heart….
It comes as bar graphs and pie charts in
Not three or four…
This data comes in five; count them five colors on every bar graph and pie chart.
No extra charge
Yes, you heard it right, all this…
The numbers, the histograms, the scatter charts, the pie charts,
Did I forget to mention the stem & leaf arrays? Yes I did,
So, you get the numbers, the scatter charts, the histograms, the pie charts, the bar graphs, AND the stem & leaf arrays for one low price.
Look at it. Look at it carefully. This data is the answer to all your Ed-you-KAAAAY-shun issues.
Students not doing well? Teachers not teaching well? Or was the test just too darn hard?
Don’t know? LOOK AT THE DATA! Its all there, all laid out for you in five eye-catching colors!
But wait, there’s still more!
Along with every set of full-color data displayed six, count them, 1,2,3,4,5,6, SIX ways we’ll include this handy chart that teaches you and your teachers how to manipulate the data to show whatever you want it to!
You can show gains, you can show big gains, or anything you want just by using this handy, chart.
So let me give lay out the whole package for you ladies and gentlemen. Let me tell you all you get at one time in one package:
you get the numbers,
AND leaf & stem arrays –
all of it for every student, class, teacher and sub-group –
PLUS the handy chart that tells you how to make it show anything you need it to….
All for one easy to swallow price.
Now, you look at all this and I bet you’re telling yourself, ‘this all looks and sounds great, but where am I going to put all this data?’
You look at this and think it must come in a bunch of boxes, enough to fill a storeroom, maybe enough to fill a warehouse.
Ladies and gentlemen, what will you say when I tell you that everything I’ve mentioned,
all of it in five colors, broken-out and aggregated any way you want it;
all that, PLUS the nifty chart showing you how to massage the numbers…fits on this one, little, flat DVD.
Image via Wikipedia
Yes, folks, its all on here.
And even with all that stuff squeezed onto this DVD, even as FAT with information is it, its still sharp enough to slice this tomato, to scale this fish, and you never have to sharpen it or worry about it losing one byte of information.
Image by Mat Honan via Flickr
I know. It sounds too good to be true. That you must be dreaming…
Don’t be left out!
Don’t be the last one on the bus!
Call right now!
Here’s how to order….